Stranded(web comic) Page 1 rework.

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flood
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Stranded(web comic) Page 1 rework.

Post by flood » Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:04 pm

scroll to bottom
Last edited by flood on Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:32 am, edited 2 times in total.

demetrius
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Post by demetrius » Thu Aug 16, 2007 11:17 am

'filtity' :D


these are my opinions.
i'm not sure if it's supposed to be read L-R or R-L
(i guess it really doesn't matter with this page)

but what if instead of splitting the three figures in three panels at top
you put them all together in a single panel...

...or split them up so that the the guy with the peg leg
isn't pointing out into nothingness with his chain but instead
pointing to the two captives.
(same if he's given a gun)

also...for me...
the placement of the figures in the last panel
makes identifying the characters a little confusing.
the guy seems menacing...but what if
another angle were used?


anyway
i really like this. :D
(artwork as well as the hand-written speech)

(oh...also...in the secondtolast panel...it looks like you want
to have a shadow cast on the two characters. Do you
intend to keep the same light source for the last panel?)

anyway
nice job.
thanks for motivating me to get started
on my own 'thing'. :)

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roma
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Post by roma » Thu Aug 16, 2007 11:29 am

but what if instead of splitting the three figures in three panels at top
you put them all together in a single panel...
I agree with demetrius on that one. It helps with the flow of the page an establishes the point of whats going on. But overall it looks like an interesting page

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andrewwales
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Post by andrewwales » Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:08 pm

Dude, I love the avatar. Did you make it yourself?

I agree with Dimetrius about the top three panels, but to do it that way would mean redrawing right?

The rest of it is just about perfect, IMHO. At some point, I'd like to see a wide shot or establishing shot letting us know exactly what kind of place they're in.

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flood
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Post by flood » Sat Aug 18, 2007 7:00 am

andrewwales - yahi drew that a while ago...its me a`la the simpsons

demetrius - but what if instead of splitting the three figures in three panels at top
you put them all together in a single panel...

i thought about this...but when i drew it out it seemed all too sudden....so i went with the three panel approach

i agreee with you on the last panel tho....gonna redraw that one

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flood
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Post by flood » Sat Aug 18, 2007 6:35 pm

made some changes to my ruffs
Image
lemme know

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flood
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Post by flood » Sun Aug 26, 2007 5:52 pm

ok so heres the final draft....had to do some rework

had to make panels 2-4 less congested. i liked the detail but the idea was getting lost...so i had to redo em.

lemme know
Last edited by flood on Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Azad
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Post by Azad » Sun Aug 26, 2007 5:58 pm

Very nice looking page

but

- I would merge panels 2-4 into one long shot. no need to separate them.


- I'd change the background of the second to last panel to wood flooring vanishing slightly in perspective as if we were looking down at them.

Image
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flood
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Post by flood » Sun Aug 26, 2007 6:16 pm

yah seein that imma haftoo go back and switch up the that second to last panel......good show

as far as the three shot in the second row...i kinda like how it breaks stuff up....
i really appreciate the input man

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flood
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Post by flood » Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:35 am

ok, i went bak reworked the last tow panels and added some color changes here and there.

i decided to redo the lat tow panels becasue both felt as though they were flat and didnt fit.

so here ya go. im pretty happy with these.
lemme know...page two will be up shortly, as im working on it as we speak
Last edited by flood on Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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andrewwales
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Post by andrewwales » Sun Sep 02, 2007 3:14 pm

Excellent work. The color really adds something. You're very talented. I think it helps that you took the chains out.

There's an Amish proverb that comes to mind, "He who builds according to every man's advice ends up with a crooked house." It's great to ask for feedback but some of our suggestions to you are subjective.

That being said, the only thing I would change personally is to get some ripply wave action in the water.

http://www.andrewwales.blogspot.com

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flood
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Post by flood » Sun Sep 02, 2007 11:47 pm

yah the water was really buggin me...so imma werk on that . thnx for all the input guys!

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tpiro
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Post by tpiro » Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:00 pm

Wow, what a difference color makes. Looks great! The new last panel is uses a fun effect too!

I kinda like what Azad did with the second row. It might be cool if you leave in the panel breaks (to add a sense of camera movement), but make it clear that this row is basically from one scene (like what Azad has).

-Tony
Image

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flood
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Post by flood » Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:55 pm

Image

working on second page now

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Og
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Post by Og » Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:16 pm

It's like night and day. MUCH better. The pacing, the dialog... it's all much more exciting. Even the interaction is much more dynamic. The emotional differences between the final two panels is worth all the work you had to throw away to get there.

My only complaint is that the words get really close to the edges of the word balloons here and there. NOTE: "Move 'm along boys" sits really well in its ballooon. "Off with their heads" from the first balloon is tight. I'd suggest you either adjust the kerning of your text, or enlarge the balloons as appropriate.

Nice revision.

-Og
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