Codex a Steampunk Comic

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Hyptosis
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Codex a Steampunk Comic

Post by Hyptosis » Tue Aug 05, 2008 4:29 pm

Just a comic idea I've been tossing around, did these pages for fun.

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Josh-Ulrich
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Post by Josh-Ulrich » Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:04 am

Well I really like the Johnny Quest/Venture Brothers look and feel you have going on, and the story seems inviting.

I would suggest adding a few panels here and there to get across certain things that are happening. For example, it might be good to show the girl with here sword, prepared to swing, before she cuts off the mummy's arm. You can't see it in that panel and it's a little confusing at first. I would also add a panel between where he is pulling the shield/saucer off the wall and where the girl is shoving the old man into it.

I'm also not sure what's happened when the mummy's head seems to be flying off and it says "CHOK!!" I'm guess the girl cut it off, but I can't really tell.

Overall I'm digging it, I would just stretch it out a bit to give us a better understanding of what's happening.

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Hyptosis
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Post by Hyptosis » Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:41 pm

Hey Josh, thanks a million for the thoughtful and detailed feedback man. It means a lot. ^_^
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Ben Montgomery
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Post by Ben Montgomery » Thu Sep 11, 2008 10:35 am

I love heroes like Ambrose. Brave and quick thinkers, but not terribly skilled or graceful.

Also, killstroy them.
"Many can Bullshit; few can write."
-- Dr. Gardner, Associate Professor of English, University of North Alabama

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Sanaril
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Post by Sanaril » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:13 am

The last page got me confused: in panel 1 Ambrose is pulling the shield off the wall (which could be a little more decrepit/cob webby looking in an old mansion of the dead?) and then in panel 2 she's shoving the old guy onto it (where if grew quite a bit) and calling fro Ambrose to hurry up? Did he not bring the shield to them? Why's he suddenly out of shot?
Some action lines at the beginning when she's swinging the sword would help as well, and I have to agree with a previous post that the action of the mummy head coming off doesn't read that well.
And while the somebody take their hand off thing isn't all that original, I did enjoy "Killstroy". :)

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Hyptosis
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Post by Hyptosis » Mon Sep 15, 2008 12:04 am

Thanks a million for the feedback guys, it means a lot to me and helps me hone my storytelling. It's hard sometimes! haha. ^_^

I'm going to revisit this when I get time, and clean it up and fix some of the mistakes. Thanks so much, stay cool.
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