Stranded(web comic) Page 1 rework.
Stranded(web comic) Page 1 rework.
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Last edited by flood on Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:32 am, edited 2 times in total.
'filtity' 
these are my opinions.
i'm not sure if it's supposed to be read L-R or R-L
(i guess it really doesn't matter with this page)
but what if instead of splitting the three figures in three panels at top
you put them all together in a single panel...
...or split them up so that the the guy with the peg leg
isn't pointing out into nothingness with his chain but instead
pointing to the two captives.
(same if he's given a gun)
also...for me...
the placement of the figures in the last panel
makes identifying the characters a little confusing.
the guy seems menacing...but what if
another angle were used?
anyway
i really like this.
(artwork as well as the hand-written speech)
(oh...also...in the secondtolast panel...it looks like you want
to have a shadow cast on the two characters. Do you
intend to keep the same light source for the last panel?)
anyway
nice job.
thanks for motivating me to get started
on my own 'thing'.
these are my opinions.
i'm not sure if it's supposed to be read L-R or R-L
(i guess it really doesn't matter with this page)
but what if instead of splitting the three figures in three panels at top
you put them all together in a single panel...
...or split them up so that the the guy with the peg leg
isn't pointing out into nothingness with his chain but instead
pointing to the two captives.
(same if he's given a gun)
also...for me...
the placement of the figures in the last panel
makes identifying the characters a little confusing.
the guy seems menacing...but what if
another angle were used?
anyway
i really like this.
(artwork as well as the hand-written speech)
(oh...also...in the secondtolast panel...it looks like you want
to have a shadow cast on the two characters. Do you
intend to keep the same light source for the last panel?)
anyway
nice job.
thanks for motivating me to get started
on my own 'thing'.
-
andrewwales
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:14 pm
- Location: Athens, PA
- Contact:
Dude, I love the avatar. Did you make it yourself?
I agree with Dimetrius about the top three panels, but to do it that way would mean redrawing right?
The rest of it is just about perfect, IMHO. At some point, I'd like to see a wide shot or establishing shot letting us know exactly what kind of place they're in.
I agree with Dimetrius about the top three panels, but to do it that way would mean redrawing right?
The rest of it is just about perfect, IMHO. At some point, I'd like to see a wide shot or establishing shot letting us know exactly what kind of place they're in.
andrewwales - yahi drew that a while ago...its me a`la the simpsons
demetrius - but what if instead of splitting the three figures in three panels at top
you put them all together in a single panel...
i thought about this...but when i drew it out it seemed all too sudden....so i went with the three panel approach
i agreee with you on the last panel tho....gonna redraw that one
demetrius - but what if instead of splitting the three figures in three panels at top
you put them all together in a single panel...
i thought about this...but when i drew it out it seemed all too sudden....so i went with the three panel approach
i agreee with you on the last panel tho....gonna redraw that one
ok so heres the final draft....had to do some rework
had to make panels 2-4 less congested. i liked the detail but the idea was getting lost...so i had to redo em.
lemme know
had to make panels 2-4 less congested. i liked the detail but the idea was getting lost...so i had to redo em.
lemme know
Last edited by flood on Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Very nice looking page
but
- I would merge panels 2-4 into one long shot. no need to separate them.
- I'd change the background of the second to last panel to wood flooring vanishing slightly in perspective as if we were looking down at them.
but
- I would merge panels 2-4 into one long shot. no need to separate them.
- I'd change the background of the second to last panel to wood flooring vanishing slightly in perspective as if we were looking down at them.
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ok, i went bak reworked the last tow panels and added some color changes here and there.
i decided to redo the lat tow panels becasue both felt as though they were flat and didnt fit.
so here ya go. im pretty happy with these.
lemme know...page two will be up shortly, as im working on it as we speak
i decided to redo the lat tow panels becasue both felt as though they were flat and didnt fit.
so here ya go. im pretty happy with these.
lemme know...page two will be up shortly, as im working on it as we speak
Last edited by flood on Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
andrewwales
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:14 pm
- Location: Athens, PA
- Contact:
Excellent work. The color really adds something. You're very talented. I think it helps that you took the chains out.
There's an Amish proverb that comes to mind, "He who builds according to every man's advice ends up with a crooked house." It's great to ask for feedback but some of our suggestions to you are subjective.
That being said, the only thing I would change personally is to get some ripply wave action in the water.
http://www.andrewwales.blogspot.com
There's an Amish proverb that comes to mind, "He who builds according to every man's advice ends up with a crooked house." It's great to ask for feedback but some of our suggestions to you are subjective.
That being said, the only thing I would change personally is to get some ripply wave action in the water.
http://www.andrewwales.blogspot.com
Wow, what a difference color makes. Looks great! The new last panel is uses a fun effect too!
I kinda like what Azad did with the second row. It might be cool if you leave in the panel breaks (to add a sense of camera movement), but make it clear that this row is basically from one scene (like what Azad has).
-Tony
I kinda like what Azad did with the second row. It might be cool if you leave in the panel breaks (to add a sense of camera movement), but make it clear that this row is basically from one scene (like what Azad has).
-Tony
It's like night and day. MUCH better. The pacing, the dialog... it's all much more exciting. Even the interaction is much more dynamic. The emotional differences between the final two panels is worth all the work you had to throw away to get there.
My only complaint is that the words get really close to the edges of the word balloons here and there. NOTE: "Move 'm along boys" sits really well in its ballooon. "Off with their heads" from the first balloon is tight. I'd suggest you either adjust the kerning of your text, or enlarge the balloons as appropriate.
Nice revision.
-Og
My only complaint is that the words get really close to the edges of the word balloons here and there. NOTE: "Move 'm along boys" sits really well in its ballooon. "Off with their heads" from the first balloon is tight. I'd suggest you either adjust the kerning of your text, or enlarge the balloons as appropriate.
Nice revision.
-Og
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